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"Seek first to understand, then to be understood."
Stephen R Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
Take a moment to think of the best listener you know - someone you really feel you can talk to and who truly understands you.
Now think about what makes them such a good listener.
What do they do that lets you know they are listening to you?
This page looks at the skills you need to become a better listener.
Hearing vs Listening
According to the Concise Oxford Dictionary, the definition of Hearing is "to perceive sound with the ear" whereas listening is "to consider with thoughtful attention." So, hearing is a physical thing, but listening is a cognitive response to what has been heard.
Barriers
There are many barriers to hearing and listening. Listed below are the most common barriers:
| Barriers to Hearing |
Barriers to Listening |
- Background noise
- Health issues
|
- Lack of interest
- Fatigue
- Distractions
- Environment
- Impatience
|
Results
The results of poor listening can be many and varied, but chief amongst these are:
- Misunderstandings
- Lost opportunities
- Wasted time
Characteristics of an effective listener
Effective listeners display many characteristics. They:
- Must be an active listener
- Evaluate speaker's words and feelings
- Put themselves in speaker's shoes
- Feedback what they think the speaker means
Effective listeners listen with their ears, eyes, head and heart!
Keys to effective listening
So, how can you be an effective listener? By applying the following seven points you can improve your listening skills in any situation:
1. Find areas of interest
2. Judge content, not delivery
3. Hold your comments till the end
4. Listen for ideas and themes
5. Concentrate on listening
6. Resist distractions
7. Keep your mind open
How do you learn listening skills at Toastmasters?
| Table topics |
Listen to topic
Think of a response
Deliver a short speech |
Listen
Think
Speak |
| As a speaker |
Think of a topic
Deliver a Speech
Listen to evaluator's comments |
Think
Speak
Listen |
| As an evaluator |
Think about topic
Listen to speaker
Give feedback to speaker |
Think
Listen
Speak |
Winston Churchill once said, "Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak, courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."
Listening Self-Assessment
Try out a listening self-assessment where you rate yourself on 28 listening practices. http://www.highgain.com/SELF/index.php3
Are you a good listener? It's a skill anybody can learn.
"There are different kinds of listening. There is the listening of criticism; there is the listening of resentment. There is the listening of superiority; there is the listening of indifference. There is the listening of the person who only listens because for the moment he cannot get the chance to speak. The only listening that is worthwhile is the listening which listens and learns". So aptly said by William Barclay.
Listen and learn
You cannot listen if you are doing all the talking - and if you are not listening you are not learning. Effective listening involves more than just hearing what the other person is saying. Listening errors can result in:
- Misunderstandings;
- Missed business opportunities;
- Severed relationships;
- Wasted time and money.
To get the full meaning of what someone says requires energy and discipline, both of which contribute to what is known as active listening.
Good listeners
We may credit ourselves with being good listeners, but so often we don't listen actively because we are being tempted to interrupt a speaker and add our own thoughts. Some would say this is conversation - but is it? To be a good communicator you must be a good listener. Communication is a two way process - the listener paraphrasing what the speaker is saying. Active listening involves:
- Sitting still;
- Direct eye contact;
- Concentrating on what the speaker is saying.
So before you interrupt, display an interest by being attentive.
Listening types
Although most of us have a mixed level of listening traits and do not fall into convenient categories, there are four basic levels:
1. Non-listeners do not hear the speaker and make no effort to do so as they are preoccupied with personal thoughts;
2. Passive listeners hear the words without really understanding them, resulting in an incomplete absorption of information;
3. Listeners focus on the speaker's intent but may only understand a portion of the message so the true meaning is distorted;
4. Active listeners pay close attention to the context, listening to how to apply this message to their life.
Essential training
It takes practice, patience and energy to develop active listening skills. We grow into good listening habits, often without training, yet we depend on this skill:
- In the workplace with those endless meetings;
- In the home with our families;
- In the community with our hobbies and interests.
Take a look at yourself
Accepting that we must look to ourselves for training, first consider:
- Are you a lazy listeners?
- Do you have poor concentration and memory?
- Do you debate what the speaker is saying or think the message is a waste of time?
- Do you create distractions by doodling, gazing around the room, daydreaming or fiddling with a gizmo?
You can be a better listener if you really want to; it is a matter of attitude and commitment.
Listening pays great dividends; your friends, co-workers, boss, spouse and children will appreciate your effort and be a lot happier for it.
Maybe there is a reason we have two ears and only one mouth.
Good listening habits
- Be sincere about wanting to learn
- Concentrate. try to relate to the topic and don't let your mind wander.
- Focus. Keep your attention on the speaker and try to get the message.
- Don't judge. Keep an open mind
- Look for common elements. Think of a way to remember or relate to what is being said.
- Take notes, but keep them to a minimum. Jot down key words, phrases and ideas to jolt your memory later.
- Ignore distractions, eg street noise, movement.
- Be prepared to learn. Never feel superior to the speaker thinking you already know or have this information.
- Find something of value even if the subject is dull.
- Sit upright or even lean forward slightly, this shows you are interested.
- Show good manners - arrive on time, turn off cell phones/pagers, be quiet, respond if necessary, stay awake, don't smoke, clap when appropriate, postpone side conversations/whispering, don't clock watch.
This article was contributed by Trish Gray DTM.
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