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This page has articles by Toastmasters for Toastmasters. It covers the Toastmasters experience, communication, and responses to a Toastmasters survey.
Text of a speech by Steve Bullock
How often have you sat down to watched a movie for entertainment, whether on television or at the movies, that made you pause and think?
To think about a place you have visited or would like to visit. Or it reminded you of a person you know who has been in a similar situation or something that has or is happening in your life.
You stand up and leave the theatre or the ads come on the TV, the movie has finished. But your mind is still on that aspect of the movie that struck a cord with you.
I had an experience like that when I first saw the movie "The Matrix" a few years ago and the number times I have seen the movie since. I have seen all three movies in the series, but the one that left the greatest impression was the first one.
This movie made me think about a number of things, but a theme that I picked up on that followed through all three movies was very relevant to me at the time and still is. That theme was "choice". All through our lives we make choices that determine where we go, what we do, how we act and behave.
Early on in the movie the main character Neo had to make a choice - the red pill or the blue pill. If he takes the blue pill, he will wake up in the morning and everything that had happened in the last 24 hours to him will seem like a dream and life will carry on the same. If he takes the red pill he would wakeup and see the real world, not the artificial one created by the "Matrix". Whichever choice he makes, there is no second chance. Choose only one pill - red or blue.
The movie would have been boring if he had taken the blue pill and went back to what he thought was "normal everyday life". But he took the red pill and it changed his life forever.
Sometimes in our lives we have to make choices just like Neo that will change our lives forever, no going back, only forward in a new direction. It's a bit like going to Toastmasters. Once you make the choice to join, your life is changed forever.
Morpheus, who held out the two pills to Neo, was like a mentor or coach to him throughout the three movies. The choices were Neo's to make. Once made the support and guidance was there. It's like in life. We sometimes need guidance or mentoring to help us arrive at those choices we have to make or after we have made them, to follow the choice. Often we would prefer someone else to make the choices for us, but our strength lies in making our own choices.
As Morpheus said in the movie, "There is a difference in knowing the path, and walking the path." Once we know what we need to do, we must make a choice, put it into action and do it.
As I watched the movie there were phrases that would stick in my mind. In the movie they referred to the matrix, but they are equally relevant to our lives.
Morpheus told Neo, "The matrix has no boundaries, no rules, only the ones that we make for ourselves." How often in life do we limit ourselves with imagined boundaries? How many of you heard that little voice in our head at one time say, "I could never do that, I can't stand up in front of a group people and speak?" Haven't we smashed that limiting boundary or belief at Toastmasters? We all have our own limiting beliefs or boundaries that keep us in our comfort zone, afraid to push those boundaries. Not wanting to take on those seemingly impossible tasks.
Again Morpheus said, "We conduct our own life, we have control over our own lives, know thy self." A wise man this Morpheus, appropriate words to hear when, in your own life you are at a crossroad, not knowing what to do. This statement has a ring of true for me. Eighteen months ago when I moved back to Newlands after a marriage separation, I started on a mission to get to know myself better.
As in Morpheus's statement, I found the more I got to know myself, the more I was able to make decisions or choices which have led to changes in my life. Changes like greater self-belief and more confidence. An underlying theme through this movie is true in life; belief in oneself overcomes all obstacles that come in your way.
Another character in the movie was "The Oracle". She was a wise woman who could see into the future and make prophecies, which she told each of the main characters. Each person was given a secret prophecy that related to him or her. We have our own oracle in our lives. This oracle is our dreams and desires that give us our goals.
Even Smith, the villain in the movie, comes out with some great motivating statements like when trying to get information out of Morpheus. He asks the rhetorical question, "Why isn't it working?" and answers with, "We are asking the wrong questions". Often we can't come up with the answers in our lives because we are simply asking the wrong questions. Change the question and the outcome may appear.
A friend and I have been talking about choices, changes, mentoring and opportunities in our lives due to being members of Toastmasters and other groups like Rotary for a number of months now. I believe like Neo I have a choice to make: the blue pill or the red pill. Take the blue pill and life carries on as it has done, or I take the red pill and make some life changes. I have chosen the red, although I made the choice to take the red pill some time ago, I had not eliminated the option of the blue pill. As Morpheus said in the movie, "There is a difference in knowing the path and walking the path".
The first two matrix movies were on Sky recently. Isn't it strange how the right movie has appeared for me again with the right message when I need it. Seeing this movie again made me swallow the red pill. The choice is made.
I made the choice recently to meet with my Morpheus; she is a life coach who I hope will make my future choices clearer. But as Morpheus in the movie said, "It is not a matter of hope, but a matter of time". So I should drop the hope in my last statement and begin walking my path and change my world.
Are you happy with your world, or do you too have some choices to make, doors to open and step through?
Our choices have no boundaries, no rules, only the ones that we make for ourselves.
By ASHLEY CAMPBELL, published in New Zealand Herald, 10 May 2003
 Certain behaviours can be the result of earlier events, says Kevin Warwood, and can't be taken in isolation. If someone is snapping, it may be because they may have just emerged from traffic or had a row with their spouse in the morning.
"Step back and take a deep breath," says Warwood. "What I do is step up beside the person and then in a low voice say 'What was all that for?' More often than not the person will apologise, bring themselves back to the present and you can start again."
"It's part of a manager's responsibility to know the people working for them," says Warwood. "When you understand how people respond to pressure and different stimuli, then it's much easier to communicate with them."
If you react badly to something that's said, "stop and take a deep breath and say 'I understand where this person's coming from, the background of why they are doing that"'.
It may take a bit of practice, Warwood says, but if the purpose of communication is to connect, it may be practice you need.
Don't expect people to understand all you understand, or do all you can do with limited resources, says Warwood. "They might need a more stimulating environment, they might need more tools to get the job done." Find out what it is they need.
Prepare yourself to communicate. Put out of your mind what you were dealing with an hour ago or what you will be dealing with tomorrow. Be positive and expect the communication to succeed.
The manager's side usually wins, but that doesn't mean it's always the right one. Listen to the other side, says Warwood. And "set your communication up in a manner that the other person's going to understand".
You drop a folder on an employee's desk saying "Can you deal with this". They say either "Sure" (helpful) or "But I've got so much on." That's a cry for help.
Responding with "I've got a million other things to deal with, sort it out yourself", isn't going to help. Saying "Well, let's take a look at your priorities" is.
"A lot of times somebody will say something to you and you'll walk away thinking 'What did he really mean by that?"' says Warwood. You'll start imagining meanings in your head and the next time you communicate you'll be on your guard. Just don't do it. If you think there's something else happening, ask. Or let it go.
If you think something's going on you need to know about, ask.
Text of a presentation by Division A Governor Kevin Warwood at November 2002 District Conference
"Leaders are expected to raise the consciousness, conviction, and competence of their constituency, yet most people leave their jobs not to find better pay, greater opportunity, or different work, but because they cant get on with their bosses". That was Ron Crossland, the CEO of Ken Blanchard's company who said that.
Workers don't quit companies; they quit their bosses. In the area of communication, some leaders habitually make 4 fatal mistakes. They assume their staff
- understand what was communicated,
- agree with it,
- care about it, and
- will take appropriate action.
International President Gavin Blakey said when asked why he first became a Club Officer, "Because I find that leadership roles provide twice the value for my membership dollar and time investment: Effective communication is a fundamental skill of leadership". Past District Governor Glen Murphy DTM said in his workshop "Well known leadership secrets "you need to establish rapport, listen, show you care".
How does communication work?
Technically, we process information using facts, emotions and symbols.
- Facts themselves will act as a cure for insomnia. I had a math teacher who was a retired Headmaster and he used to say "Fill up from the front, fill up from the front, every time we came in to the class room. He would perch over the desk and peer at us. He loved math but could not communicate it. He would communicate the facts alone and put us all to sleep.
- Emotion alone will entertain alone. You've seen some of Sunday night movies. They are all gooey and full of emotion and sentiment. The story line gets lost and you can't follow the message.
- Symbols alone will provide excuses that "no one told me".
Incomplete communication leaves too much to people's imagination of what the meaning should be, so incomplete communication is a killer. If we try to communicate without one component, the audience will try to replace that component with their own fact, emotion or symbol. This can create huge problems when people use references that the presenter did not intend. Remember full communication uses Facts, Emotions, and Symbolsﾅbut we already know that as Toastmasters?
Stress is probably the biggest killer of clear communication, as we should not communicate at all when we are under stress. When stressed we tend to make other people wrong and we judge them. This is the cause of long term communication breakdown.
Why do we Communicate?
What is the one thing that Bill Gates, Rockerfeller, and Einstein have in common? They dreamed of something and were then able to create an empire based on a communicated vision of that dream. To explain furtherﾅ..if we have every fact or bit of knowledge wrapped up into a pizza, then we put in what we do know, all of the facts and information that we have put into our minds, everything we have been exposed to since we are born and everything we have forgotten, it would be a small slice of the pizza. If we then put in everything that we know we don't know. That is everything that we know exists but we don't know it, like I know quadratic equations exist but I can't work them out, or the latest silicon computer chip is faster than the first, but I don't know how it works. These go into this slice of pizza. All the rest is what we don't know we don't know.
It is what we know that we need to communicate to make every day life work well in avoiding Assumptions, Incompletions, and Stress. It's the information that we do know we don't know that we need to communicate to our teams to take on board as a new method, or a new product that we need to get across to customers, and the DKDK, that we need to communicate to our teams, that a shift in paradigm is required and the first ones to take that on board will mean a market lead and success. Hence the Bill Gates, Rockerfeller, and Einstein's knew how to communicate that vision first, and so became household names (good or bad) for their contribution to humanity.
We communicate to:
1. Feel good or add to a good feeling we already have.
2. Stop feeling bad.
3. Change something.
Examples:
- We want to be heard to - feel good,
- To provide instructions to complete something that makes us - feel good.
- To give love to - feel good.
- To receive love to - feel good.
- To survive is to - feel good.
- To get control makes us - feel good.
- To build things makes us - feel good.
- To make a difference makes us - feel good.
- We change television channel to - feel good.
- We tell the ones who care about us what a rotten day we had - Stop feeling Bad.
- We cry on someone's shoulder to - Stop Feeling Bad.
- We share a burden to - Stop Feeling Bad.
Communication in the workplace
Lets look at where we use communication in the work place. What is the role of Management and the role of the Manager? Management is the process of achieving organisational goals through engaging in the four main functions of Planning, Leading, Organising, and Control. The Manager's role is to manage the communication, listen fully, find out you don't know what you don't know, and understand someone's story.
Understanding Someone's Story
In our roles as managers, we need to encourage, allocate, influence, motivate, and regulate to achieve the organisation's goals. Remember the role of manager earlier, I said the role is to manage the communication, listen fully, find out what you don't know you don't know, and understand someone's story. The last part is to understand someone's story and I will tell you how that part of communication works. You need to understand how the taking of a fact and transferring it to between the ears, interpreting it by matching it up against our own personal reason and register of experience, and then communicating it by vocalising it, writing it, or signing it, then creates a story.
We match up data taken in against a white board in our head that has all of our experience on it, and another white board that has all of our reason on it.
The Story
Think of the story as a game of football. The All Blacks are playing at Carrisbrook and we are there with a couple of friends. The stands are full. The loud speaker is playing that 'Queen' tune 'We will rock you', between scrums and the Cheerleaders are dancing in front of your stand. We watch the game and get all excited. The All Blacks win in the last minute by one point.
After the game, over a couple of beers, one mate says Justin Marshall had a great game. You look at him and say, "Are you blind? He dropped the ball and his pass was slow all day. He needs to be replaced with Byron Kelleher."
You both watched the same game but you both saw the same fact with a different interpretation. You both have your own stories.
The Break Through Model (based on Breakthrough International)
This model illustrates how communication is a building block in achieving any results, whether good or bad. This model shows you how bad communication works as well.
We take any fact, and we have learned we turn those into "Interpretations". The interpretations influence our Culture by what is termed our "Conversation". We know the Culture creates or causes a type of Action. The Action generates Results.
Interpretation - Conversation - Culture - Action - Results
In this model we can see how if any one of these components are counter productive, the job of generating change and improvement is very difficult. For example, if the culture is counter productive, then no matter what positive action takes place, the Results may not be what was envisioned.
Communicate in a way that makes other people feel good.
Tony Robbins said, "Master our communication style and we master our life". When he spoke about our style, he meant things like, Its not the events in our life that makes us feel good about ourselves, but how we communicate with ourselves about those events, or what we tell ourselves about the meaning to hang on those events in our life. Nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning we give it! He was trying to say that, if we master the communication with ourselves, we can then master communication with others. We tend to communicate in a way that beats ourselves upﾅﾅ"I knew that was going to happen, I knew I would get robbed eventually, I knew I was going to miss that putt"! If we communicate with ourselves in a way that is positive and makes us feel good, we can then go on to communicate in a way that makes others feel goodﾅﾅ.What a Revelationﾅﾅ communicate in a way that makes other people feel good.
To Build Quality Communication (Golden Rules)
- People are not their behaviours.
- People respond to different stimuli or pressure in different ways.
- Give people the benefit of the doubt.
- People always do the best they can with the resources they have.
- They are not unresourceful people; they are in an unresourceful situation.
- They need to change their state of mind.
- There are always two sides to everything.
- In any human communication, the response you get is either, a loving response or a cry for help.
- Do not answer a cry for help with a cry for help.
- Most of us answer a cry for help with a cry for help.
- Do not make up meanings for things.
- Do not assume things are happening.
Improve your communication in a permanent way.
Let me finish with a final thought on how to improve your communication in a powerful and permanent way. I am going to tell you how to communicate in such a powerful way that you will always be successful.
(Close your Eyes)
Think of a person who is your friend, a mentor, husband or wife, your mother or father or brother or sister. Think of someone who might be your soul mate. This is the one person who you trust with anything. This is the person that knows you implicitly and you know they will never do anything on purpose to harm you.
Why is it that no matter what that person does, you will always find a way to make communication work? Why is it that no matter what that person says, you might get mad for a bit, and then you get on with life? Why is it that you will always forgive them and them you?
This happens because you made a conscious decision a long time ago never to question that person's judgement or their intent. Both of you will always try to make communication work. You might get mad every now and then but you always come back to the fact that you know that person didn't do that to annoy you, they probably didn't do it on purpose. There is probably another reason for the breakdown in communication. The fastest way to kill communication permanently is to question someone's intent.
Conclusion
See, you already know how to communicate successfully. It just gets hidden away and we imitate how others communicate from an early age. We successfully imitate failure. Come back to the successful model that you are already doing
1. Communicate positively with yourself first.
2. Do not communicate under stress.
3. Never question someone's intent.
Forget the learned and imitated way of communicating. If you can forget your car keys, you can successfully forget how to fail successfully.
An Article by Philip Shambrook on his experiences when visiting Toastmaster clubs in the United States (5 September 2002)
One of the easiest ways to enrich your Toastmasters experience is by visiting other clubs. In the days before I joined Toastmasters, when I travelled, I was one of those sad people you would often see in restaurants sitting on their own, with a book in one hand and a fork in the other. After eating, it would be back to the hotel to watch the mind numbing garbage on TV. I don't even have a TV at home, but by the end of a couple of weeks away, I had caught up with all the soap operas, series and sport. For a brief few days, I could actually join in conversations about what was on TV. Now that's something that doesn't happen too often.
In February this year I joined Toastmasters, and all that changed. I discovered that there were other clubs around New Zealand that I could visit. And not only that, these other clubs would often ask me if I wanted to speak. I quickly realised that if I contacted a club and told them I had a speech ready, I would often be given the opportunity to deliver it. In fact, most clubs I contact ask me if I have a speech to deliver.
Recently I was on a business trip to California, which got me really excited. The trip presented a great opportunity to see how overseas clubs do things. I attended 5 meetings, at 4 different clubs and delivered 3 speeches, during my 2 weeks in California,. It was a tremendous experience. The first time I stood up to speak felt even worse than when I delivered my Ice Breaker. We speak the same language, almost. My speeches originally written for New Zealand had to change for California. Units of measurement went from litres to gallons and somewhere along the line the thought processes changed to. Different words have different meanings, and I was very conscious of humour and how that doesn't always travel. So the first speech was not as smooth as I would have liked..
The second speech I gave was a little easier. I was on more familiar ground as I spoke about bicycles. Much to my wife's displeasure, I had taken a large number of our model bicycles with me. That raised a laugh as I passed through customs on the way out. "Is that a tandem in your bag sir?" I was asked as my hand luggage passed through the x-ray machine.
By the time I got to the third speech I was rolling. I was even able to slip in a 'mistake' as I mentioned metres and changed it to yards. And despite the fact that I was giving the members a driving lesson, nobody was offendedﾅat least nobody appeared to be!
There is more to visiting other clubs than speaking. Clubs run their meetings differently, use different resources and often have different roles. In California I came across audiologists, radar operators, tipsters, humorists and spinners. Bells rang every time someone ahhs or umms, klaxons sound when someone goes over time, national anthems sung and pledges of allegiance made. The best one I came across was club evaluations. Every member is given an evaluation form to complete for each of the formal speakers. The speaker gets an informal evaluation from every club member as well as the formal evaluation. Each member gets practice preparing an evaluation. What a great idea, and one I had not seen before.
During this trip I really stepped outside of my comfort zone, but it was never intimidating. Without exception, everybody I met was welcoming and as interested in our clubs as I was in theirs. The enthusiasm and sense of fun is every bit as developed as ours. I believe, more than ever now, that the best way to enrich your Toastmasters experience is to visit other clubs.
I'm fortunate, I travel a lot and would much rather be out of my hotel doing something, than in the hotel doing nothing but watching television. But you do not need to travel far to visit different clubs. There are other clubs in your area you can visit. So why not do it? Give the VP Ed of a nearby club a call and ask if the club would like to hear you speak. Next to competitions, speaking at other clubs is tremendously rewarding for all concerned.
Visiting and speaking at other clubs is a win-win situation for all. It's good for the club to hear different speakers, it's good for the speaker to speak to a different audience and it's good for the evaluators to evaluate somebody they have never heard before. If you do visit another club, you will enrich your world and their world with new ideas and different ways of running meetings. Go to it. Make that phone call.
by Dale Hartle, DTM
This quiz has been completed by various Toastmasters describing their Toastmasters experiences. It has some interesting comments and useful tips.
| 1 |
My very first Toastmasters speech was |
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- about me and what made up who I was
- a table topic about New York
- who am I?
- about my dogs and their blindness
- about me
- my icebreaker
- cross-dressers
- table topics - travel
- an icebreaker about myself
- an icebreaker - about my life. Ironically it would be very different now five years on
- being a lover not a worker
|
| 2 |
The best evaluation I ever received was |
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- from my mentor for my number 10 CTM speech
- great speech - wrong subject! (I hadn't bothered to align my speech to the manual task)
- when I received the best speaker award
- an informal one over a speech as part of a job interview
- for the icebreaker, by a very experienced toastmaster
- from a young guy giving his very first evaluation, and I was doing an advanced speech
- they have all been informative in different ways
- when people advised me to stop constantly moving forward and backward
- I was evaluated by a person who had an empathy with the subject and gave a very in depth evaluation from which I gained a lot of useful pointers
- they have all been reasonably good and you take the positive out of all of them
- on a speech on animal/child abuse
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| 3 |
The worst speech I ever gave was |
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- one that I had over-prepared for and felt over-confident about
- a table topic in a restaurant where I couldn't think of anything and sat down. I was asked again later and did the same thing!
- a table topic subject
- a table topic where my mind went blank
- the one where I tried to be someone I was not!
- my final speech for my Advanced Toastmaster Bronze
- as 'best man' 25 years ago
- giving a speech on the Better Speaker series - I prefer to design my own speeches
- when I tried to carry off a speech done by someone else
- a humorous speech given at The Gourmet club
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| 4 |
My most memorable Toastmasters moment was |
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- the thanks I received at the end of running my first Speechcraft course
- winning the 'most entertaining speaker' at the District Contest, and entering club table topics contest despite hating table topics
- when I received the best speaker award for the night
- winning my first club competition
- winning the national evaluation contest
- after my first speech
- when during a farewell, the table topics were all about me!
- chairman of the 2001 Area Humorous speech contest
- at work when I gave a media release and turned the page to find my spoken words did not match the datashow screen
- when I received my Competent Toastmasters award
- winning the Divisional speech contest
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| 5 |
My number 1 tip to a new Toastmaster is |
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- it is not possible to fail
- when you really, really, really don't want to go - go! When you really, really, really don't want to speak - speak!
- to keep getting up when given the chance
- enjoy yourself and practice hard
- relax
- hold in your head that giving talks can be a wonderful thing to do
- be yourself
- rehearse your speech several times before giving it
- be prepared to get on to your feet and speak as much as possible
- to enjoy yourself and have fun
- to accept evaluations with a positive attitude
- to find a mentor and give a speech a month
|
| 6 |
I overcame the fear of public speaking by |
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- using my nervous energy to project enthusiasm at the beginning of a speech
- continually resisting the overwhelming desire to stay home, and accepting all invitations to speak (except table topics at restaurants)
- continuing to take the opportunity to get up and speak
- practice and support
- deep breathing
- doing it, and doing it, and doing it
- joining two Toastmaster clubs
- never completely over nervousness, but at a very early age (14) made my first official speech and persevered from them on
- perseverance
- learning speaking as an 8 year old in speech and drama classes
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| 7 |
I would recommend Toastmasters to anyone because |
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- one learns more than just how to speak in front of people. The extras are unlimited
- you'll get more chances to speak in a year than you normally would in a lifetime, and you'll be among similarly nervous speakers who will treat you sensitively
- the people are really supportive
- it's so positive and supportive of everyone's effort
- it gives you confidence
- of the opportunity to grow and achieve and because of the supportive social aspect
- there's a need for almost everyone to talk in public
- it gives me confidence in any situation
- it eliminates the defects in speaking, develops confidence and skills
- it's fun and conveys a positive attitude to everyone
- it is a great way to extend yourself and meet fantastic people
- there are very valuable life skills in the art of communication
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| 8 |
My most valuable Toastmaster resource is |
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- listening to other speakers, and the monthly magazine
- The Toastmaster magazine
- the Toastmaster books and the people
- the manual/s
- listening to other speakers
- the club itself and all the evaluations one gets
- researching other clubs on the internet - national and international, reading their sample speeches, educationals etc
- evaluations, as I use the commend, recommend, commend process as part of my work and family communication and in all aspects of my working with people
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| 9 |
My favourite Toastmaster club role is |
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- being an evaluator
- the Table Topics Master
- Sergeant at Arms
- being a speaker
- being the chairperson, then I can talk to everyone and organise an interesting theme night
- chairman or evaluator
- all of them, the best part is that you get to rotate through all the jobs
- being President of a club
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| 10 |
The main reason I come to Toastmasters is |
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- to keep my confidence level up
- to keep learning
- I love the people
- to boost and hone my speaking skills which were reasonable but which I knew could improve
- to learn how to give great presentations
- to be a proficient public speaker
- to give speeches and to enjoy my friends, and to have fun
- for a change in interests and an interest in developing better speaking skills
- for fun, I like to speak!
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Dale Hartle is a member of Spinnaker and WOW Toastmaster Clubs
An article by Sandy McKay, a freelance journalist who lives in Dunedin with her husband, two sons and a daughter. Published in Kiwi Parent Magazine June/July 2002, Homefront, page 12
Public speaking is said to be our greatest common fear. Standing in front of a room full of people and spouting forth is enough to send even the mildly confident into a complete tizz. Perhaps I became a writer because it seemed an easier and less painful way of expressing myself than speaking.
Speaking is difficult, especially in front of lots of people, on a stage, with a microphone!!! Writing it all down seemed a far saner option. I mean you can't stutter and stammer on paper, can you? Your face doesn't go red, your voice doesn't wobble and your legs don't buckle at the knees when you're writing! Writing it down leaves less room for mistakes. You have time to think and rewrite and reconsider. You can proof read and change things and take your time. My pen is a hundred times more reliable than my voice. Okay, it may run out of ink now and again but not in an embarrassing 'in-front-of-everyone' kind of way. When put under the spotlight my voice is a completely unreliable instrument of communication. There is no telling how it will behave under pressure.
I was once asked to be guest speaker at my local Parents Centre annual meeting. "We would love you to come along and talk to us," said the woman on the other end of the phone. She may as well have said, "We'd like you to come along and parachute off the top of our building with no clothes on." The request brought on such spontaneous terror that I had to remove myself from the ear-piece and pour a stiff gin just to get the courage to answer. "S - s-s-sorry," I said politely, gulping my drink. "I'd really love to but I just couldn't." "Why?" said the bewildered voice on the other end of the line. I couldn't quite explain 'why'. I just knew that if someone put me in front of a group of people and asked me to 'speak' I'd probably have a heart attack on the spot. At the very least I knew my mouth would go dry, my heart would beat like the clappers and if I didn't actually faint then I'd definitely go completely blank and probably forget my own name. Who needed a guest speaker that required mouth to mouth resuscitation to get her off the stage. "Will there be an ambulance officer on hand?" I nearly said.
They say public speaking is our greatest common fear. Fear of death runs a close second. The adrenalin rush affected by putting an inexperienced speaker in front of an audience is said to be similar to falling from a plane at a great height with a dodgy parachute.
Now I'm no adrenalin junkie. A ferris wheel ride on a windy day is about as wild as I usually get. Volunteering to be 'guest speaker' would be akin to bungy jumping the skippers canyon. I have successfully evaded any sort of public speaking for 42 years.
I have hidden in lavatories when it was my turn, taken 'invisibility' pills so I wouldn't get noticed and shaken my head with such gusto that no-one dared ask me again. I was the one always at the back of the class, the one who never put her hand up, the one who knew the answers but couldn't say them out loud, the one who could talk for hours to the girl beside her but seemed to lose all vocal capability if asked to speak in front of the class. I even left school six weeks into the seventh form because it was my turn to do the 'bible reading' in week eight! Only now its coming back to haunt me, isn't it.
That writing thing I was telling you about has got me into big trouble. People want me to talk about it, in front of large numbers. I would love to, I really would. There is nothing I would like better than to stand in front of a room full of people stringing sentences together like Ruby Wax. How I envied those people who can grab a microphone and spout forth, how I wanted to be able to do that!!! I decided to take myself in hand. Confront my fears head on. I grabbed hold of a friend and we giggled our way nervously along to a toast masters meeting. The first one was a piece of cake. We simply signed on as visitors, sat down the back and listened to everyone else. They were great - articulate, confident, humorous, accomplished speakers. We did the same thing the next week. It was a breeze. Easy, peasy.
When it was suggested that we might like to actually participate my friend and I turned rigid with fright, developed serious throat infections and were never seen there again. They had these things called table topics. Someone gave you a word, or a phrase or an object and you had to stand in front of everyone and talk for two minutes about it. Two whole minutes, with no time to prepare or rehearse or anything!!! "It's just a matter of stepping out of your comfort zone," someone said. But I like my comfort zone. It's warm and cosy and safe! I'd been sheltering there for years, why did I need to 'step out'. I was comfortable!!!
Still, I knew it was time for a change so I signed up for a six-week course that taught the basics. We learned how to stand, how to breathe, how to cope with mind 'blanks' and how to control our nerves. In the end it was all a matter of 'just doing it'! Of getting up there and saying something. Anything! It didn't matter at first! Then slowly, word by word, it got better. And learning with others helped too. We were all in the same boat.
Speaking groups are filled with people trying to conquer their fear of public speaking. Some take great leaps and others are content with lady-bird steps. Everyone is encouraging and that's what makes the difference. Children these days are lucky. Speaking in front of the class is an integral part of the curriculum and you can't get out of it like I used to. The five year old gives her morning talks with ease and the boys don't find it nearly as much of an ordeal as their mother does. It's something you've got to keep doing. The more you do it, the less scary it becomes. It's all a matter of breathing properly, getting your thoughts in order and having good eye contact. And if that all sounds too difficult you can always try parachuting off a high building with no clothes on!
- Reprinted with permission from Kiwi Parent magazine, Issue 188 June/July 2002.
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